The map for treating ADHD (Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder) will be different for each family. However, some landmarks and directions could help guide your child to success. With any trip there are going to be setbacks, frustrations, and wrong turns, but persistence and patience will eventually get you to your destination.
Choose your destination
This is the step where you decide a reasonable outcome for your child and try to prepare for any challenges you may face.
Where do we want to go? Are we setting reasonable expectations? How will we get there? This is the first step in assessing how to best approach your unique parenting situation, and it will look different in every household. Some families will have greater resources and their trips involve airfare and chauffeurs. Some families prefer to take the scenic route. But each family has the common goal of wanting their children happy. It is important to sit down with the family and plan where you would like to go. Is your destination realistic? Parents should have high expectations for their children, but they also need to meet them where they are at. With any trip you would not let your child choose the destination and how to get there, but you would still want them involved in the process. They likely already know they are struggling and helping set these goals and involve them in the family planning would be a good first step. In the same way you would prepare for a vacation you want to have an idea of where you are going and plan how to get there (however, parents of ADHD children often have ADHD and may not prepare for vacations in this manner. More about that later).
Plan the trip
This is the step where you prepare yourself for the journey ahead.
Preparing for any trip we educate ourselves on where we are going, find places to stay, activities to do, and think about what we may need when we arrive. We have a singular focus. We are not planning for the next trip. We are planning for this one. This approach can be helpful for the parent of the ADHD child. How many trips are packing for? In the same way you do not plan a trip to the lake while packing for your trip to the beach, we do not want to plan too many trips for our child. It is important we attend to our child’s present goals. Are we trying to help them get through the semester of 3rd grade, but then they are struggling in their classes, so we want to see them have better classroom behaviors? Improve math? Get along with peers? Join in sports? Reduce their defiance in the home? Improve their attitude? Get themselves ready on time for school? While these are all great goals, are they stops along the way to our destination? As busy parents we want to make things simple. Which of these trips do you have time to take, and are you prepared to take them? We cannot be on two trips at once. Choose one change you would like to see in your child and start there. Then you can make a plan.
ADHD Resources:
Dr. Russell Barkley
Dr. Edward Hallowell
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUxHRVjLIEIS0eeQR6MXONA
Dr. Thomas Brown
Emotional Resources:
Dr. Dan Siegel
Parenting Resources:
Dr. Thomas Phelan
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfpE43lm_MN2z03nfxASDVg
Hit the road
You’ve picked your destination, packed, and planned. Parenting will often resemble a journey to your favorite destination. Many things will be out of your control. Road work will slow you down, you may have to make unplanned bathroom breaks, and you will likely make wrong turns. It will be the same way with working toward the goals you have set in the household. Your child will not follow your directions, and they will make you frustrated. You may even need to rethink the destination or try taking a different approach. There will be times that vacations do not go as planned. The beach is rained out, COVID – 19 cancels vacations for a year, or an untimely family death. However, it is rare the family that does not revisit trying another trip. Raising a child with ADHD, or any child it often seems as if you are always on the road because the journey never stops. Your child is constantly learning and growing, so planning the trip and providing some landmarks along the way are important.
Enjoy the destination
Celebrate your success! Sometimes it is best to set small goals and short trips because they are obtainable and can build confidence. When NASA was planning trips to the moon, they did not build one rocket, take one shot and hope for the best. There was a series of spaceflights before Apollo 11 landed humans on the moon. By setting short goals or destinations for your child you can ensure they build self-confidence, and you enjoy the success they have. Take math problems one at a time and if they get one right, that is a time for celebration. It is these small trials that prepare us for big trips. The ones where they may be off on their own to college or working in a trade.
Set small reasonable expectations (destinations), educate on ADHD (prepare and pack for the trip), accept there will be frustration and mistakes (hit the road), and celebrate success (small confidence building vacations).
Check out this article about how a family provided the support needed to raise an Olympic champion with an early childhood ADHD diagnosis.
If you would like counseling or ADHD testing contact us!
